The F-Machine: the gadget that will fuck you, fist you and jerk you off

This looks amazing. If I’d spotted this thing a month ago it would have topped my Christmas list. We’ve seen fucking machines before but this one’s beautifully designed, it’s fully adjustable and, with a range of optional extras, it’ll do all sorts of things to you. It fucks, it fists, it masturbates. What’s not to love?

Picture of the F-Machine

The traditional fucking machine was certainly in need of a style makeover. They crop up in porn often enough and there are firms that will build them to order for you. But the bulky mechanism has often had to be housed in a wooden box or an adapted vanity case, with the result that it sometimes looks less like a horny fuck machine and more like something you might inherit from an elderly relative. If you’re feeling brave, you could try building one yourself – there are plans on the internet that will show you how you can rig together a evil-looking piston system by adapting dangerous power tools.

But there are slicker, better-looking fucking machines now. This one’s been stylishly crafted in aircraft alloy – and it’s available from Regulation London. The F-Machine Pro can be adjusted for height and angle, making sure it hits exactly the right spot. And you can vary its speed from a nice, slow stroke to a butt-busting pummelling. Despite its power, it’s close to silent – a definite advantage if you’ve got curious neighbours. Plus (my favourite part) you can get an attachment that’ll let you connect a fleshlight-type masturbator to jerk you off while your favourite dildo is fucking your ass. In addition to all that, the folks at Regulation have adapted a few of their anal toys to give you even more options. So now, for example, you can attach their Wolfgang dildo – cast from a human hand – which converts the F-Machine into a fistfucking powerhouse.

And in case you needed any more persuading, Regulation have produced a helpful (= horny) demo video to show you how it works. You can check it out at the bottom of this post.

Images of the F-Machine in action and accessories

Find out more at Regulation

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